Question: I Am So Sick Of Porn Addiction
Anonymous asked:Hi J.S - I’ve been searching the internet for someone who has gone through similar scenarios as me and your blog is the closest I’ve seen. I’ve been masturbating since I was in middle school and until now I thought I was fine. I’ve watched so much porn that I’ve digressed into increasingly sexually deviant material in order to achieve the same high and it has led to devastating consequences in my personal life including erectile dysfunction. I need help.
My friend, can I be dead honest with you? Since I’ve quit porn, I’ve written so much on this I’m not sure where to start. I began with an optimism that has since turned to a quiet dread, as I watch good people like you get destroyed.
I’ve had the privilege of meeting countless people online who want to quit and are desperately trying to overcome. I’ve met haters, too, who think there’s no such thing as “porn addiction” and call it a natural evolution of our times. But the one thing I’ve learned in common is that: unless you actually really sincerely genuinely admit there’s a problem and want to quit, it will NOT happen. As cynical as it is, these days I just refuse to help someone unless they’re absolutely serious.
Maybe I haven’t met enough people, but me and perhaps two other men are the only ones I know who have successfully walked away from porn. I don’t say this to brag, but to tell you how dire it really is. In fact, if there are fellow bloggers who want to write me and say they’ve totally quit, please tell me so I can have a little hope.
While I’ve heard that “iron will” does not ever stop addictions, and to some extent I agree with that, it’s still your choice. You must ask yourself: Am I ready to never use porn again for the rest of my life? Most people nod “yes” here but deep inside, a part of them does not want to let go. It’s like cutting off an arm or giving up a baby.
Porn addiction is really all about feeding the ego and maintaining a high locus of control, because most “men” have no idea how to NOT get what they want. Most guys just do what they feel because they’ve never learned to follow through otherwise; our generation’s spoiled sense of entitlement doesn’t want to invest the time for real opposite-sex friendships, instead settling for a digital cornucopia of objectified images that can never say no. Lust is never the problem; lust is only a vehicle to fulfill the ego.
I had to realize at some point that I was sick inside. I was misogynistic towards women. I was contributing to an industry that made real human beings into mechanical parts for my consumption. If you knew how awful the porn industry is, that alone is enough to turn you off. And I was also missing out on guilt-free joy with God, my church, my friends. I always had to hide. I was tired of being that guy. I was ready to metaphorically cut off my arm.
Can I also let you know: quitting porn is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, ever. That might sound like a first world problem, but I’m telling you: get ready for a dramatic withdrawal. The first week, I was shaking, sweating, not able to sleep, couldn’t concentrate, and was bouncing off the walls. It was just as serious as quitting heroin. This tapered off in the first month. It hit again around two months. During difficult seasons, the temptation struck worst. There were a few times when I began to look at porn again but I stopped quickly (praise God). Around eight months, when I had let my guard down a little, it heightened unbearably. I fought it. I was willing to do whatever it takes: I ran out the house, I left my laptop at church, I shut down the internet at my house.
I’ve read it can take a year before a porn-addicted brain is recovered. In other words: you better be ready for this in the long haul and cling to Jesus for dear life.
I don’t mean to be so hard on you, but the gritty reality is that this is a difficult journey. The best thing I can tell you is: if you mess it up, just get up and keep going. Persevere. Don’t worry about the moment of defeat; what matters most is the moment right after it. God understands your struggle and He wants to help you. It’s still your choice. Please go for the better testimony.
