First of all, you rock.  You’re taking things seriously when you have every reason to hide, and that already says much about you. 

Second: I get your pain here.  There will be lonely days ahead.  I wish I could tell you a simple five part formula for fighting heathens, but even the following isn’t so cut-and-dry.  There’s no easy way through it, and any wisdom I can impart is only for the big picture: you’ll have daily struggles to work through.  So I can only remind you of the challenges ahead and pray that you step up to them.

1) Pick your battles.

If the majority of your surroundings is filled with atheists, you’ll need to know how and when to raise your voice.  It’s admirable you’re engaging with them, which many would dare not do, but remember to leave some of that in God’s Hands with fervent prayer. 

None of us can do the saving.  I know that’s probably not your intent, but it’s easy to get swept up into microscopic arguments until we’re blue in the face with no change on either side.  It’s also an ego-trip to “win” these debates, when winning is not exactly fruitful or helpful. 

Your priority is to love these people.  That’s a stock answer, I know.  But unless you actually care about them, then any apologetics you muster will feel more like bullets from your mouth than the embrace of a concerned friend. So know when to cut deep, but also know when to draw back and rely on God for it.  And again: the motive must be to love them, not change them.  God does both.

2) Dig yourself into the nearest Christian community.

You already know this, but unless that local church is outright serving pagan pig-blood jelly donuts and using Bibles as toilet paper, do your best to dig your heels there.

It’s possible that for this season of life you could keep it going alone, as hard as that sounds.  There are seasons like that.  But we’re built to be together.  Before sin happened, God said it wasn’t good for people to be alone: that was before the Fall, when everything was deemed perfect.  It’s crucial.

This church is not perfect: it wasn’t when you walked in, it never will be.  There’s no ideal church out there.  But consider that we could spend our time whining about deficiencies, or we could use that same energy to do something about it. 

Paul said, Make the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil.  We tend to take the opposite route because we forget: the days are evil.  There’s a bigger fight than looking at all the ways the church is wrong. 

If they’re not biblical, then bring that up — but the motive MUST be because you’re fighting for God and against Satan, not fighting for yourself against the church.  I’d give that pastor a second look.

3) Be prepared to have the wind knocked out of you.

In my Tae Kwon Do school, way back before people started suing each other for nothing, we would learn how to take a hit.  Because if you’ve never been hit before and you get the first one in a sparring match, then you will crumple faster than a Kardashian marriage.  I’ve seen that happen.  Going into shock is shocking, and it’s also very ugly.

We’d line up side to side and the master would suddenly punch us in the gut.  Not so hard that we’d bleed into our kidneys, but hard enough to drop it like it’s hot.  So when we’d get hit in the actual competition, it wasn’t so bad.  And when I got into fights (like all young dudes do), I wasn’t swatting my hands like a punk or folding over when I got jumped.

You might have your faith shaken. Like rocked.  Atheist arguments make tons of sense because it appeals to our eyeballs.  There’s an immediate gratification in connecting the physical world with our physical brains.  It gets you off the hook for plunging into spiritual matters, because hey, it looks like the answer is all right there. 

Since I used to be an atheist, I realize now that I had turned off entire parts of my brain in order to deny spiritual reality.  Even the greatest scientific minds of history would recognize that “logical answers” can only answer for so much.  Atheists scratch the surface.  Unfortunately, so do many Christians.

When you get “hit” for the first time with a grand argument — and you will — just remember that it’s a surface blow.  It’s not getting the internal organs.  A lot of Christians get unhinged by this because they mix that up.  We forget the truth, “I live by faith, not by sight.”  Not to say that sight isn’t helpful, but that it does not account for deeper truth.

Also remember that anyone who gets their worldview threatened, whether atheist or Christian, will experience disorientation, confusion, frustration, even nausea.  Like getting punched in the gut.  That does NOT mean you’re weak or second-class or out of God’s grace.  To sort of use Dr. House’s expression, Everybody doubts.  Believers AND unbelievers.  What matters is how you respond.

4) Persevere.

God sees you there in your corner of the universe.  He knows what you’re going through.  He’s sustaining you.  He loves you.  Keep running at Him.  On hard days you’ll feel like this is crazy.  But don’t give up.

Listening to online sermons and debates is good.  Just remember to have your personal time with Him.  Pray, praise, and read Scripture.  Take up serving opportunities and missions and charity.  Keep loving on your friends.  Love the church.  Get Philippians 3:12-16 all over that. He is with you.

The typical Christian answer is always, “It’s good, just don’t turn it into an idol.” But that’s a bit simplistic.

We know that bodybuilding is full of machismo, abuse of steroids, chauvinist egos, and psychological mind games as evidenced by Arnold in his documentary “Pumping Iron.”  I’m convinced Schwarzenegger is a diabolical genius and possibly an Austrian leprechaun with an overactive pituitary gland.

It can all become idolatry, but we forget the positive opposite: That God can turn even bodybuilding into a truly Christ-honoring sphere of His work through us. The same goes for painting, fencing, jujitsu, cycling, gymnastics, cooking, knitting, or competitive cup shuffling.

Any of these can go “too far” or “too narrow.”  Too far would be the entire shady subculture of bodybuilding, while too little would be just going to the gym without a single conversation or connection.

Sometimes the gym can be disgusting because the dudes are unashamedly ogling the women or guys are comparing themselves almost naked.  Other times I get a little grieved that even at the gym, people are isolated with their headphones and ipods — there’s not much community as there used to be.  So even there, I feel like a missionary.

As for the art of bodybuilding itself: it does get a little weird.  Most serious competitors only have a life inside the gym, and their diets are so controlled that anxiety is common.  Even when I was a semi-serious weightlifter a few years ago, it took a lot of time and energy and focus to look even halfway decent.  I had to tone it down: at one point it was all I could think about.

I do believe God wants us to be healthy and to take care of our bodies, and if lifting weights is what you enjoy, then by all means enjoy it.  It’s okay to take it seriously too, as long as we’re not spending more time with protein than with prayer. 

But whether you’re casual or competitive, God can use both fields to be glorified.  We should be open to that.  I’ve made friendships at the gym where I would not have otherwise.  People see me in a t-shirt and often ask, “You work out?” Which I can swoop in and say, “I want to respect God’s gift.” Just kidding.  But yes: dudes who bond over lifting can bond over Jesus, and I’ve gotten plenty of Christians to bond over lifting.  God knows what He’s doing with all that.

I sense mixed messages here.

Can I ask you in a different way?

“Did Jesus have to take unique precaution when he came down from Heaven to earth to interact with us filthy slimy disgusting incompetent immoral human beings who would nail him to a dirty cross while spitting in his face and plucking out his beard and whipping out his flesh?”

I’m not trying to be cute here.  I know what you’re asking.  But people are not projects, and they will immediately sense if you have made them one.  Saying things like “I am not trying to convert her” and “I wouldn’t be best friends” is — well, you read that out loud to yourself.  She’ll know if you’re treating her like thin ice, or if you’re holding back, or if you’ve made up all these rules to be around her.

You have great motives in hoping God ministers to her, but what’s actually more important here is being friends.  If she’s one point for the scorecard of evangelism, not only will you be desperately frustrated if she doesn’t get saved, but you’ll somehow think it’s up to you.  Then when it does happen, you’ll dump that project for the next one. 

At the same time, if you don’t say a single word about God then that should tell you something too.  It’s great you want to invite her to church, but other parts of your question sound all mixed up.

I’m not reading your mind: I love you enough to get you to check all your motives and to be pure about them.

Ever just be friends with someone because you enjoy being with them?

A deeper question: As much as we love Jesus, does anyone like him? 

Most of us have gone off the deep end with this Christian-love-concept stuff that we forget we’re dealing with real people.  “I love everyone — until they annoy me.” Right.  I (mostly) like my friends, even the non-Christian ones, and if it takes them a lifetime to get saved: well I shared the Gospel and the rest is up to God and my friend’s submission. 

For the record, I also like Jesus.  He’s a dude I’d like to have over for sushi and wine.

I’m not trying to be hard on you.  Certainly we should guard our hearts.  There’s a common sense when you’re dealing with both pagans and Christians.  Don’t start doing some pagan rituals with your pagan friend; no eating electric eels or something (I’ve seen this done in Korea). And you wouldn’t kill goats in church or give up your life savings to some scamming preacher.  Those kinds of precautions are simple wisdom.

Bottom line: Be a friend, glorify God.  Love your friend, and like your friend.

Thank you so much for that.  And I will certainly pray for you.

I’m not sure there’s an exact science in talking to atheists that would be different than talking to any other human being.  No matter how much you tell people there’s an incredibly awesome party next door, there are always a few who won’t believe you.  They might call themselves atheists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindu, Wiccan, or Jedi, but stubbornness runs through all of us. 

Keep in mind: There is a proportionate relation between a person’s stubbornness and your attempts to reach out.  The more intensely you reach out, the more they will thicken their walls.  Some will say, “Kill them with kindness,” but even being-a-nice-guy can turn into Love Bombing, which is the insincere show of sincerity to “win” them. 

Your friend is in a delicate state where your movements, no matter how kind or classy, can be interpreted as aggression.  Your logical arguments, those airtight apologetics, and your superior Christ-like behavior cannot ultimately persuade someone back to church, much less back to God. 

If this sounds pessimistic and you’re waiting for, “BUT here’s how to …!” — then I’m sorry. There’s no happy-ending bowtie here, at least not in the immediate future.  This is only the part where I tell you that instead of worrying about your friend, worry about yourself. 

As much as you might not think so, you will soon feel a need to control the spiritual life of your friend so he or she “snaps out” of his whole unbelief, and this will make you act really weird.  Like frustrated, overly nice, angry, impatient, depressed, self-blaming, and guilty.  Please don’t go that direction. 

Three things: Pray, be patient, and be a friend.  1) I believe prayer isn’t just a means to change ourselves, but actually gets God to change things.  2) Patiently wait, because anything else would be sin, and sin only divides. 3) Your friend still needs you, whether they admit it or not, because you might be the only voice of reason left. 

At some point they may or may not come to the end of their atheism-rope, and if you were a patient, praying friend, they’ll come looking for you.  If you weren’t, they won’t. 

In the mean time, study up on your apologetics (it might help), know your Bible (that always helps), and pray like crazy.  Pray for a heart of love towards your friend, which it seems like you already have.  Imagine if you knew your friend would come around in six months.  It would suck if you only stayed around for five.  God can find someone else for His glory, but I bet He’d rather much do that through you.

Also read this.

The godliest way to handle your friend is to handle yourself.

I’m not being cute.  Your desire to love on your friend is admirable and noble, but it will quickly become about control and results if your expectations escalate. 

No one can ever, ever, ever make someone fall in love with Jesus.  You already know that, but because the default mode of our heart is self-righteous pride, we make our influence more sovereign than God.  This results in disappointment, frustration, anger, manipulation, pressure, and all around discomfort for both you and your friend.

Of course you have good motives, but they’re buried under a lot of religious standards. You want your friend to repent, to care, to be honest, but even if you held a gun at their head, what will that do? God wants your friend’s repentance more than you do and is endlessly more patient.

Last night I read these verses in 1 Timothy 1 and almost wept, because they described me perfectly:

¹⁵ Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶ But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.

If God has been so patient with us, we better be patient for our friends.  Like uber-super ridiculous unreasonably supernaturally patient. That requires tons of prayer, self-examination, and preaching the Gospel to your face like you really mean it.  If your friend acts out and you overreact, you better cut the root of your own pride or you’ll hurt the both of you.

Be there for your friend as a friend. Hang out, talk, have wide open arms, laugh together, be understanding, pray, speak the truth but love on them most of all.  When your friend hits rock bottom at the end of their sin-season when their soul has been dried up and spent, they will come to you first. 

That’s unless you’re the “I-told-you-so” guy, in which case they will go to some depraved source of info to further the sin-spiral.  Love this person like God loved you: through every thick and thin, in spite of everything, never condoning but always compassionate.

He’s not really saying he’ll get right with God later.  What he’s saying is, “This is my cover for you to stop hooking me up with Jesus. He’s nice and all but no thanks.”

Your major temptation here will be to find a magic bullet, some argument or tactical missile or spiritual uppercut, to convince your friend into loving Jesus.  It’s like trying to hook him up with a girl that he doesn’t really find attractive.  What you find wonderful and majestic and all-consuming, he finds trite, cliche, and otherworldly. 

You’d think that the offer of eternal life and grace and mercy and forgiveness for his sin plus the joy and purpose and power of life given by the Creator God would be a good sell, but for many people the shallow pleasures on this earthly plane look better.  You know, the Bible talks about those in darkness.  Satan has blinded the minds of unbelievers (2 Cor. 4:4). They themselves suppress the truth (Romans 1:18).  Satan has even kidnapped the unsuspecting (2 Timothy 2:26), the Greek word here literally meaning like a sheep carried off by a freaking hawk. 

For now, of course, be there for him.  Pray for him.  Keep in touch.  Bring it up gently now and then.  Leave the door super-wide open.  Because at the end of his sin at rock bottom when he has real questions, he might come searching for you.  If you’re the “I-told-you-so” guy or you had the gentleness of a jackhammer, he won’t find you. You can’t win him but God can, and God may do it through you. Some will reject, but with all love and humility act like everyone can receive.

You’ll want to be impatient and try to control.  Please, for the sake of Jesus’ good name, be patient and let the Holy Spirit do His thing.  You in your own power cannot open the eyes of the blind.  It takes a miracle for that.  Ask God for one.

²⁵ Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, ²⁶ and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

— 2 Timothy 2:25-26