J.S. Park

Question: My Friend Left Her Church Because Reasons

Anonymous asked:

A dear friend has told me she’s left her ministry position at the big church here in the city. She said that this church is getting more and more into Christian Progressivism. I can’t make sense of it through Google. Got any insight?

You know, I had no idea about this “Christian Progressivism” either, so I Googled it.  But when all the results came up, I immediately thought:

I just don’t have the willpower to read on every “heresy” that comes through the doorway.

But seriously though: it’s likely that your friend was genuinely concerned about the direction of the church and heard some strange things that didn’t vibe, so after much prayer and fasting and Scripture-reading she went to the pastor and elders and leaders and lovingly pleaded with them in tears about their mission.  Maybe she made multiple compassionate attempts, all the while not stirring up any of the church members to avoid gossip and praying fervently for the people, and she left on totally good terms.

But it’s more likely that your friend got in a little row with someone at church, got into a little private feud with the pastor in her head, or just heard “grace” from the pulpit and immediately thought they were being progressive — so she determined in her mind that this was enough reason to get the heck out of Dodge because something was rotten in the state of Denmark.  Who knows if she talked to anyone about it, except a bunch of other dissatisfied ladies who secretly didn’t like the church budget.

Maybe it’s a bit of both.  But really: I’m hesitant to believe this person left because of her stated reasons.  If she did, cool.  If not, then she has successfully become like every other American church-consumer in our wonderfully spoiled Western society.

I get a little leary of people who say, “Yeah I was attending this church but the pastor said this one thing, so I left.”  I mean really?  Based on one thing?  I can understand if the pastor peed on the Bible or bled out a goat on stage and drank it through a beer hat, but come on: some honesty, please.

People leave their church for all kinds of petty reasons.  There can definitely be a legit reason to leave, but part of attending a church is to persevere in collision with God’s people you would normally never hang out with to become a well-rounded individual who embraces diversity.  If people are hopping from church to church at the slightest rub of preference, well: that’s not a happy person.

Sometimes I feel like every church conflict could be solved by one or two simple conversations.  It’s like watching those sitcoms where for thirty minutes, you’re thinking, “Why don’t he just freaking tell her the truth!” 

Sure, those conversations are awkward and even painful, and maybe the atmosphere doesn’t cultivate honesty, but someone has to be the guy to speak up for what is true.  And if you leave a church without having tried everything to make it right, I highly doubt things will get better at the next church.  We must at least try.  When all else fails: then yes, pray for a new start.

I probably did not answer your question very well, but I’ll leave it at this:

²⁵ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. … ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. …  ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

— Ephesians 4:25, 29, 32

Also read:

- When To Change Churches?

- You Might Want To Change Your Church IF

By Unka Glen: 7 Ways To Tell If This Is Good Ministry

By Unka Glen: Are you in the right church?

Five Truths About Trials — When Life Hits Back

I started a sermon series last Sunday on enduring through hard times (you can check it here), and wanted to share some of those truths on trials.

1) A trial is a specific season of suffering that God allows for your good and His Glory. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 7:13-14

God has preordained everything before creating time and the universe and you.  He knew we would give Him the middle finger, so He had in mind the sending of His Son to die on a cross in our place. This wasn’t a back-up plan, but The Plan.

God also had in mind specific seasons of your life, some good and some tough.  Ninety-nine percent of life is what happens to you.  The 1% is how you respond, to both the good and the bad.

Note that a trial is a season, and it WILL pass.  You can come out of a trial better or bitter, and that will determine how you handle the next season.  If you’re not humble in the trials, you won’t exactly enjoy the good seasons either.  If you’re humble, you’ll thank God for both.

2) God has three motives in trials: That you’d trust Him, that you’d be transformed, and that He would give you all of Himself. 

Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 1:6, Jeremiahs 29:11-13

3) God is in complete control.  He’s on it, He’s got it, He’s got you. Romans 8:28

Nothing is ever out of God’s control.  Your feelings would like to say otherwise, but we must prioritize truth before feelings.  No matter how bad it gets, God is working His Will for the good. Sometimes we get to see how it turns out, but our tiny limited three lb. brain doesn’t get to see it all from beginning to end (Ecc. 3:11).  The Bible does show glimpses.

Joseph was beat up by his brothers, left for dead, sold to slavery, falsely accused of rape, thrown in a dungeon, left behind, but somehow made the #2 Top Dog of Egypt.  This was for “the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20). 

When Jesus hung up there that Friday, it looked crazy and upside-down and backwards.  No one could make sense of that; like God lost control.  But He didn’t.  Sunday happened.

4) Trials are MORE reason to turn to God, not less. 2 Corinthians 9:8, Hebrews 4:15-16

The most common responses to trials are:

Control —For false security.

Escape —To numb ourselves.

The common motivation is fear, because we fear losing our Perfect Prescription of a Perfect Life that goes our Perfect Way.  We’re also afraid of pain.

A trial hits you in the face and you’ll try to get back control or just escape from reality.  You presume your life was interrupted.  Cancer, earthquake, bankruptcy, death of a loved one, betrayal — you never planned for these things.

So we shake a fist at God and do things our way.  Control or Escape: they’re predictable reactions.  Read the frontpage of the news. 

Trials have a way of turning us into statistical nightmares: a hollowed out lesser version of ourselves that God did not create us to be.  Because we turn from the Only One who can help us. That makes little sense, like deciding to throw away the oxygen tank at the bottom of the ocean.

Trials are meant to be opportunities to refine us into God’s Image.  At the very bottom, God not only gets us through it but He gets us rising back to the surface renewed, without carrying harmful baggage or bitterness.  Trials always pass, but unless we relied on God there, the hurtful attitude won’t pass with them.

5) If transformation is one of God’s goals, then He will come at you like a 5000 ton freight train.  Hebrews 12

You don’t get to pick your trials.  God has the right to do anything He wants.  He’s God.  He doesn’t need your vote, approval, or hyper-submission.  You don’t get to say what’s fair, right, or wrong: because that changes based on your convenience.  God is not like you.  He is above you.  He has the full right to take your life, to crush you, to judge you, to blink you out of existence. 

That doesn’t sit well with us, which only proves our pride.  “No one can tell me what to do — Who are you to say that — Who do you think you are!” So what exactly do you think God has to do to remove that stinking thinking?  You think God will take it easy?

If God is going to move you from your pride to His promises, He is going to come at you with all intensity.  At that point you can either humble yourself and recognize God has the full rights to your life and you are NOT in control — that means transformation is happening — or you can reject God’s authority and discipline and course-correction, which is spiritual stagnancy.

I’ll just say that I would not want to be the person I was before God allowed certain trials to happen.  Nothing else could’ve removed the fatal splinters of an idolatrous, selfish, disgusting, abusive, reckless heart as much as God crushing it out of me.  And in the end, I recognized this was God’s love: not pampering, spoiling, or coddling, but aimed at my maturity.

A final word —

I know it’s painful.  No one’s saying it’s not.  I don’t have answers to all the Ultimate Questions — Why God? Why this evil? Why allow this one?  Why now? — though I do believe there are some helpful answers for them.  But I don’t mean to diminish your pain or make light of your circumstances.

It’s not as simple as Let’s-trust-God-you-guys to get you through some things.  Not so cut-and-dry, and God can handle our honesty.  He hears our venting, outrage, frustration.  He still loves you, no matter how you handle it.  But when it all falls apart, He doesn’t want you to so quickly fold and conform to that.  He’s trying to give you life when there’s death all around.  God will be glorified either way, but He would rather much do it through you.

Job 23:10 — But he knows the way that I take;
    when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

A Damaged “Reputation” At School

Anonymous asked:

Hey… I have this emotional problem happening to me right now. I would really like you to pray for me. I’m having some friendship problems at school right now. Apparently, my reputation at school is kinda bad … last year I had cheated on a quiz. People at my school judge me so much, I can’t even breathe. People make up stories like “She purposely talks with an accent so she could be asian” … Now [my friends are] so embarrassed about me and are saying that they don’t want to be friends with me … they completely ditched me. … I cried about 5 times at school today. I really hate my school. I can’t even breathe for fear of being made fun of … I have no idea what to do.

(Edited for length, and I made you anonymous just in case)

jspark3000 answered:

Of course I’ll pray for you.  I’ll share just a few things.

1) School is not the last place on earth.

I know it feels like it is: trust me.  I experienced the most aggressive Southern breed of racism and favoritism in a prep school (Shorecrest Preparatory in Florida, seriously a bunch of redneck racists), and in public school it got even worse.

I went to Prom alone, sat by myself at lunch most of high school, and even the “nicest” girls in the school called me ugly yellowbelly to my face.  Now I can laugh about it, but during it all, it hurt.  And I did absolutely nothing to incur such mockery except simply be a different race.

You know about Phoebe Prince, and Columbine, and self-cutting, and all the horrible stories of bullying, and high school graduates who can’t let go of high school so they become mindless partying bums in college and beyond.  I can guarantee they didn’t look to their futures.  They were convinced that school was the last stop on this mortal coil.

Popularity is more like a stocking than a bridge.  At any moment it can tear right open. 

Please hear me: Do not get wrapped up in your pre-adult school years as a basis for your whole life. It’s not.

You’ve probably heard from other people that it gets better.  It does get better.  That doesn’t mean you should grit your teeth and just take it, though.  It doesn’t mean to receive insults with white knuckles and smile through the whole thing.

But internally protect yourself from thinking your school is your life.  It’s not.  There’s more. Please guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).

2) Seek out a safe community.

The tough truth is that you might not be able to change the minds of those kids, but you can seek out a church or a safe group of people who share your hurts and understand you.  Seek out online groups, call a hotline, find a pastor, find one friend, anything.

Please consider that there are other people who want to love you that are waiting for you.

Pray hard for this one.  Keep seeking.  Don’t give up just because a few people judge you quickly.  It’s in our nature to judge, but other peoples’ judgment should never determine what we do.  Otherwise we’re just being slaves to their will.

I’ve talked with plenty of college freshman who maintain a “high school mentality” and expect to have friends without effort.  As if friends will run at them.  So freshmen end up bitter or angry or lonely — but didn’t try.  To find a friend, be a friend.  It’s not that simple, but not as complicated as we make it.

3) Keep doing your thing regardless.

Even if you find a good community, people can change or leave or move or grow out of your life as seasons change.  We can’t fully attach ourselves to people (like you’re doing now) or we’ll always be collapsible, shakeable, and frantic.

So stick to your God-given mission.  Study hard. Join the clubs at school.  Serve your church.  Talk with God.  Rely on Him only.  Don’t let this tough season control the flow of your life.  Hear that? Do NOT let this stop your daily mission.

Of course it’s hard. It’s okay to cry.  It will be lonely some days.  Even the happiest, most “popular” people want to die sometimes.  But even the fact that you’re reaching out to someone proves you want better for yourself.  So persevere regardless of how you feel. 

As you persevere, you’ll notice your feelings will change.  And thankfully, God does not change. 

If you need to talk or start feeling discouraged, please message me.  I’ll do my best to reply and encourage.